Contents
Beginning
No Cake Today
Once upon a time,
there was
just a little girl
named Greta.
She loved cake.
Maybe
she loved it more than
anything else
in the whole
wide world.
Well,
maybe
she loved her grandmother
a teeny-tiny bit more,
but only because
Grandmother baked the very best
red velvet cake anyone
ever tasted.
Greta loved this cake so much
she ate it
for each of her 11 birthdays
and spent the other 364 days
of the year,
every year,
dreaming
of fluffy,
red cake
with sweet and tangy
frosting.
On the day of her 12th birthday,
Greta woke up
salivating. Downstairs,
Grandmother would be baking.
She’d be leveling the flour,
sifting the cocoa powder,
beating the eggs.
If Greta hurried,
she might get to lick
the bowl clean.
Putting on
her favourite hoodie,
she clambered down the stairs.
But when Greta reached
the kitchen, Grandmother wasn’t
there. And neither was
her cake. “Where is
Grandmother?” asked Greta.
“Happy birthday,” said her mother,
setting a bottle of milk
on the table
for breakfast.
Greta shook
her head. “Where is
Grandmother? Where is
my cake?” Mother smiled
sadly. “I’m sorry, my dear.
But your grandmother is
very sick.
She’s stuck at home
in bed.
She can’t
make your cake
this year.”
Greta wanted to scream. She wanted to smash the bottle of milk on the floor. She wanted the glass to shatter. She wanted the milk to splatter and puddle and drip. But no, that wasn't enough. After all, it's no use crying over spilled milk.
INT. MOTHER'S KITCHEN - DAY
GRETA runs to the counter. To the knife block. The chef's knife. She pulls it out. GLEAM!
She raises it high above her head. Both hands. WHOOSH! No hesitation. Blood gushes from the pit of her stomach.
GRETA
Where is my cake?
But no,
Mother had witnessed a thousand horrors
by now. It would bore her.
So instead,
Greta said,
“OK.”
Mother said,
“After breakfast,
you will visit
your grandmother. She needs someone
to help her until
she gets back on her feet.”
“Yes, Mother,” said Greta,
and the two sat down
to eat.
Middle
Greta and the Fox
After breakfast, Greta set out on the wooded path to the old, stone cottage where her grandmother lived. Her mother warned her not to dawdle and to stay on the path, but Greta was prudent and obedient and almost never strayed or stalled, so Mother wasn't truly worried. She only said these things out of habit,
hoping
her words
would be like
one more
provision
in the backpack
her daughter carried.
It was her school backpack.
Inside:
- half a loaf of bread
- three eggs
- the milk leftover from breakfast
It wasn't very heavy.
In fact, today's backpack was lighter than most, as it typically contained a number of hardcover textbooks, colour-coded binders, and a fancy calculator that Greta hardly ever used. As far as birthdays go,
Greta figured
her 12th
could be worse.
She would enjoy the walk
to Grandmother’s house,
breathing
the sweet spring air and
listening
to the birds.
She was answering the call of a nuthatch when a wiry red fox sidled up to her. "Why, hello there, little girl. Tell me, what is your name?"
Greta continued walking. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Fox. My name is Greta. I'm bringing this backpack full of food to my grandmother's house, so I'm sorry, but I can't stop to chat."
"Oh, that's quite alright," said the fox, "but perhaps I could walk with you. I'm starved for conversation, you see. And the exercise would do my body good."
"Yes, I suppose that would be fine," Greta said, and the two continued on, exchanging pleasantries and enjoying each other's company on the whole.
But then,
Greta heard it:
the unmistakable sound
of a stomach
rumbling.
The fox tried
to muffle it
with a particularly hearty
laugh,
but Greta heard it
clear
enough.
And it wasn't long before the fox gave a sly, sideways glance at her backpack. "My dearest, Greta," said the fox, "what is it you carry in your pack?"
"I told you," Greta replied. "It's food. For my grandmother."
"Ah, how kind of you to visit your grandmother with a special treat. Is it her birthday by chance?"
Greta let out a heavy sigh. "No."
This is where our story should end.
But the two continued on,
quietly now,
the only sound
between them
an occasional
groan
from the fox’s
belly,
which Greta chose to
ignore.
However, after a particularly hungry rumble, the fox sniffed the air and said, "My! Whatever you have in that pack of yours must be delicious."
Greta gave no response.
"You must be hungry, yourself," said the fox. "We've been walking quite a ways, and it's almost time for lunch."
Greta shook her head.
"Can I have just a little peek?" Then, already knowing the answer, the fox pounced on Greta's back.
GRETA screams.
EXT. WOODED PATH - DAY
GRETA slips the backpack off. It hits the ground. So does FOX.
FOX flies through the air. Lands with a THUMP!
GRETA stares him down.
FOX
(sniffing, scratching) How do you open this thing?
GRETA
Stop!
FOX
I just need a taste!
WRITER | Unable to unzip the backpack with his snout or paws, the fox begins scratching at the very fabric of the bag. |
GRETA
You're going to rip it!
FOX
(mouth frothing) I'M HUNGRY!
WRITER | The fox takes the bag into his frothing mouth. It's a caught hare with a spine that needs breaking. |
BACKPACK
RIIIIIIIP!
WRITER | Greta has had enough. It’s Spring, but the ground is still wet, and she’s wearing her Winter boots. She swings her foot back and... |
FOX
YELP!
FOX
(getting up)What was that for?
WRITER | Her eyes are as dark as boot leather, and the fox skitters off, tail between his legs. |
GRETA
(picking up her backpack) Good riddance!
Greta and the Bear
Characters
GRETA: just a little girl who loves cake
BEAR: a bear
NARRATOR: an old man, preferably dying
The Middle of the Deep Dark Wood. The Path to Grandmother's House. Autumn. Falling leaves. Crisp air. GRETA enters STAGE RIGHT, walks across.
NARRATOR | After her run-in with the fox, Greta was none too eager to find another walking partner. So, one can imagine her dismay, when, only a few short miles down the path, a large, shaggy bear lumbered out of the brush and onto the path. |
BEAR | (enters STAGE LEFT and moves to join GRETA at CENTER) I smell food! |
NARRATOR | Greta's legs began to tremble, but she managed to keep her composure. |
GRETA | (walking past BEAR) Nice to meet you, Mr. Bear. |
BEAR | I'm hungry! |
(GRETA stops dead in her tracks. She turns, slowly. The dead leaves crunch under her boots.) | |
BEAR | (roaring) I SMELL FOOD! |
NARRATOR | Luckily, Greta had recently discovered how one ought to handle a starving, wild animal. |
GRETA | (roaring back) I HAVE FOOD! |
The bear looked at Greta quizzically but said nothing more.
Greta continued, "I have bread, milk, and eggs in my backpack, but you can't have them. They're for my grandmother. She's sick. "
“Aw, man.”
The bear looked
sad.
Greta couldn’t tell if
it was because of her
grandmother’s ill health
or his
empty stomach,
but she soon had
her answer.
“Are you sure
I can’t have any of the food in
your bag?”
The bear pleaded
just a little.
Greta shook her head.
“No.”
“Fine.
I promise
I won’t eat
any of
your food.
But I’m really,
really
hungry.”
Just then,
the bear's
stomach groaned.
“Yes, I imagine bears must feel
hungry
quite often,” Greta said.
The bear nodded.
“You have no
idea.”
“I have some,” Greta said.
“I’ve already dealt with one
animal
in these
woods
who couldn’t keep his teeth
to himself.”
EXT. MIDDLE OF THE FOREST - DAY
FOX's tail twitches.
WRITER | Greta and the bear walk the path to Grandmother's house together. The bear is quieter than the fox, well, I shouldn't say that. What I mean is: he speaks less. But his stomach is way louder. |
At first, Greta is worried. What if Mr. Bear tries to take the food from her backpack? She won't be able to stop him. He's bigger than she is. And she can't help but notice his giant fangs and razor-sharp claws. Not to mention her backpack has already been ripped open by Mr. Fox. | |
But Greta will be OK. Don't worry. No matter how loudly the bear's stomach rumbles, he's going to keep his eyes off her backpack and his fangs to himself. |
The bear stopped to gorge himself on berries. Greta kept walking. When the bear was done, he caught up to her, bringing with him a bushel of berries. Greta thanked him, putting the unexpected gift in her backpack.
The bear stopped to steal some honey. Greta kept walking. When the bear was done, he caught up to her, bringing with him a piece of honeycomb. Greta thanked him, putting the unexpected gift in her backpack.
Greta kept walking, hoping the bear would catch up to her like he had before. After several miles, when he still hadn't come back, Greta thought, "Oh, well."
She never saw him again.
Potty Break
It was mid-afternoon
when Greta decided
she needed
to pee.
She hadn't gone
since she'd left
home sometime
after breakfast.
Greta walked off the path and...
EXT. MIDDLE OF THE FOREST - A SNOWY DAY
FOX watches from behind an elm tree. Licks his lips.
WRITER | Greta pulls down her pants and... |
FOX drools.
WRITER | She squats down and... |
FOX inches closer.
WRITER | She takes a piss. It melts the snow and gets on her boots. A twig or a leaf or something brushes against her pussy. She squirms, then quickly glances behind her to make sure no one saw. |
FOX sniffs.
WRITER | Bladder empty, Greta tries to shake off all the piss, but her underwear still gets wet. |
She zips up her pants and gets back on the path. |
FOX dashes to the spot where Greta peed and...
End
Greta and the Tortoise
hi
Hey
how r u?
Good
You?
good
That's good
where u goin?
My grandma's
She's sick
I have to take care of her
sry
Me too
is it far?
Not really
I should probably hurry though
It'll be dark soon
can i walk w u?
If you keep up
WRITER | He won't. |
ill try
nice weather huh
Totally
I love summer
me to
Cool
NARRATOR | Was it? |
WRITER | No. |
NARRATOR | Why not? |
so…
So…
You sure you can keep up?
no probNARRATOR | The tortoise was pretty far behind now. |
WRITER | Greta has to call back to him. |
WRITER | She isn't even sure he can hear her. |
Where you going btw?
Mr. Tortoise?
You still there?
WRITER | If you don't get it, it's not for you. |
Beginning Again
Pain Doré
Greta walked the rest of the way to Grandmother's house alone. By the time she got there, it was
dark outside,
and inside
none of the lights were on.
Greta turned the knob and stepped into the dark, little cottage, leaving her boots at the door.
"Grandmother?"
"Grandmother?"
"Grandmother?"
"Ma chérie."
Greta's grandmother answered.
"Viens ici."
Grandmother's bedroom was dark. Greta had to grope the wall to find the light switch.
"Oh, Grandmother," she said. "Are you okay?"
"Plus près chérie."
Greta approached her grandmother's bedside and the elderly woman raised a shaking, liver-spotted hand to cup her cheek.
“Tu ressembles tellement à mon fils.”
"Are you hungry?" asked Greta. "I brought some food for you."
Greta began unpacking her bag. The loaf of bread was smushed. The berries were crushed. Everything was sticky. Luckily, Mother had put the eggs in a Tupperware.
"Pas ici, mon cher. Dans la cuisine."
"Oh. Sorry," said Greta, and she shoved everything back inside.
In the kitchen, Greta
set the food
on the counter.
Grandmother had tried
to get out
of bed, but
Greta told her to rest.
She would make her
something
to eat.
Greta looked at the bread,
eggs,
and milk.
"French toast,"
she thought.
Greta's French Toast
Ingredients
- leftover milk
- 2 eggs
- ½ a loaf of bread, smushed
- elderberries, crushed
- stolen honey
Directions
Step 1
In a small saucepan, bring berries to medium heat.Step 2
Once bubbling, reduce heat and muddle, continuing to cook for 10 to 12 minutes.Step 3
Crush honeycomb in a bowl. Strain to separate the wax.Step 4
Heat a well-seasoned skillet.Step 5
Whisk together milk and eggs. Soak slices of bread.Step 6
Cook soaked through slices in skillet until both sides are golden, about 3 to 4 minutes.Step 7
Plate French toast with a generous helping of elderberry compote and a drizzle of honey.
Greta was headed back to Grandmother's room, a plate in each hand, when...
INT. GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE, A DARK HALLWAY - NIGHT
GRETA drops the plates. Ceramic shatters. Deep red compote splatters and oozes onto the floor. A ghost. A zombie. DEATH HIMSELF.
GRETA
Grandmother! Get back in bed.
GRANDMOTHER
J'ai soif.
GRETA
I'll bring you a glass of water, just get back in bed.
WRITER | Grandmother turns around, grumbling. Greta flips on the hallway light. What a mess. She picks up the ceramic. Big pieces first. Into the trash they go. |
She brings the garbage can back to the hallway. She picks up the French toast using paper towels. She doesn't want to get her hands dirty. She goes back to the kitchen, gets a damp rag, scrubs the compote from the floor and walls. | |
She thinks that's good enough. But her socks stick to the floor. She looks for a mop. She can't find one. She fills a bowl with soapy water and goes back to the hallway. When that's done, she needs a dishtowel to dry the floor. Speaking of dry: |
GRANDMOTHER
(from the bedroom) Mon fils, j'ai soif.
GRETA
(under breath) Shit.
GRETA
(calling now) Coming!
Greta returned to the kitchen, poured her grandmother a glass of water, and grabbed a dishtowel. She was walking through the hallway, when she stepped on an imperceptible shard of ceramic. It went straight through her sock and stuck in her heel. In the secret space that was her own mind, Greta cursed.
INT. GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE, THE BEDROOM - NIGHT
GRETA
(offering glass) Here.
Grandmother took the glass with a shaking hand that spilled a bit of the water onto her nightgown. Greta watched, wondering if she should have held it for her.
GRANDMOTHER
(putting the glass on her bedside table) Deja vu.
GRETA
I'll be right back.
Greta limped back to the kitchen and sat down at the table. She pulled off her sock and rubbed her heel with a comforting hand. She couldn't see the ceramic, but she could still feel its sharp presence in her foot. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Grandmother’s stained and cluttered kitchen.
There was only one piece of French toast left. By now, it would be cold. The pot she had used to reduce the compote was empty. All that remained was a bit of honey. She poured it on.
Taking two forks from the drawer, she headed back to the bedroom.
GRETA
We'll have to share.
She pulled the old rocking chair from the corner of the room up to Grandmother's bedside. She gave Grandmother a fork, but the way it shook in her wrinkly, old hand made Greta ache. She tried to take the fork back.
"Non! Je suis pas un bébé."
Greta held the plate out for Grandmother. Her hand still shook, but she managed to tear off a piece of French toast, stab it with the fork, and bring the food to her mouth. Some of the honey dribbled onto her nightgown, but Greta didn't say a thing.
They shared that one piece of French toast, and then it was time for bed.
Greta tried
to fall asleep
in the
rocking chair,
but it was too
uncomfortable.
In the middle of the night,
she crawled into
bed
with her grandmother
like she had when
she was
just a little girl.
There wasn’t
much room,
but there
Greta slept.
WRITER and NARRATOR
(in unison) The End.